Dixie Chicks "Lullaby"

I sing this song to Westin, when he's restless, when I'm rocking him, when he smiles at me, when he wakes up in the morning, when we're shopping at the grocery store....

They didn't have you where I come from

Never knew the best was yet to come

Life began when I saw your face

And I hear your laugh like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved?

Is forever enough, is forever enough?

How long do you want to be loved?

Is forever enough

Cause I'm never, never giving you up

I slip in bed when you're asleep

To hold you close and feel your breath on me

Tomorrow there'll be so much to do

So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you

How long do you want to be loved?

Is forever enough, is forever enough?

How long do you want to be loved?

Is forever enough

Cause I'm never, never giving you up

As you wander through this troubled world

In search of all things beautiful

You can close your eyes when you're miles away

And hear my voice like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved?

Is forever enough, is forever enough?

How long do you want to be loved

Is forever enough

Cause I'm never, never giving you up

Why can't we know Why?

Here's a list of things I should be doing:

1. Vacuuming (ugh...)
2. washing/folding/putting away laundry
3. organizing/cleaning out paperwork in office
4. sleeping

instead I chose to blog. I may, however, regret it if my son wakes up when I'm slipping into bed.

But I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep without putting my worries into words and 'getting it off my chest':

My heart is hurting for my sister toinght. She is facing the same troubles that I did (and do) when I was trying to get pregnant. Her situation is a bit more complicated though, as my brother-in-law is not open to adoption as my husband still is. She called me this afternoon, in fairly good spirits, to tell me about her Half Priced Books find today. A comedic & sarcastic look into the world of infertility; how to answer the good-intentioned friends when they ask 'why you don't have kids yet' and mothers' stories of how they 'beat' infertility.

There are many injustices in this world that I know I will never understand. I only ask that God be with my sis tonight, and ease some of the heartache I know she's going through, and is yet to endure in her journey to become a Mommy.

I love you, big sister.

Our Family Begins!

Our Family Begins!

Try, Try, Try, Try, Try, Again???

If you haven't read all of the very few postings on this blog, then you may not know that it took over 3 years, some painful procedures, and lots'o'drugs to conceive our son Westin. Each month that didn't work, I went through the motions of disappointment, but I found that I had unbelieveable resolve and determination to find something that worked. I logged countless hours of internet research, I scoured the local bookstores' shelves for books devoted to conceiving. I think my husband and I only took about 4 months worth of breaks (tops, 6) in those years. Looking back, I am utterly amazed at the will I possessed to attain what I so desperately longed for.

The first wonderful, blessed, beautiful year of my son's life has almost come to pass, and I find myself wishing everyday that I could go back just 10 short months ago. I want to feel again the awe and humility in the moment that the plastic test in my hand showed 2 pink lines, instead of one. I want my belly to get big and round under my sweater. I want to wake in the middle of the night to jabbing kicks and punches to my vital organs. I actually (strangely) want morning sickness! I loved the feeling of growing a life, and feeling it thrive in my body. And then when he was born; his limbs flailing in the immediate space that he had to move after delivery; his stunning, large blue eyes scanning my face for mine; his soft, pale pink skin against a warm flannel blanket. Its no wonder that people like the Duggars have so many children. Its such a spiritual thing to witness, a new life coming into the world.

And now when we tote Wes around, and everyone gives their "Aw!" and 'He's Adorable!" the third thing that inevitably comes is "So, when are ya'll going to try again?" I want to scream "Hey, do you know how hard we worked for this one?!!?" but I know strangers have no idea of the troubles we endured; so we just smile and say "Maybe soon." or "We'll see..." or "We're just enjoying spoiling him right now!"

But, the questions echo in our heads... Do we want to stay a family of 3? Could we afford another beautiful baby? Will all of the same obstacles stare us in the face? Would a second pregnancy go as smoothly as the first?

And the wheels on the bus go round and round....