In the shuffle (on my Playlist)

I have a very, very eclectic taste in music. Artists on my playlists include: my all time favorite Jewel, Andrea Bocelli, the Dixie Chicks, Robert Pattinson, Iron and Wine, Elvis Presley, Mandy Moore, Sarah MacLachlan, Enigma, Metallica, Stain'd, Stevie Nicks, Rob Thomas (Matchbox 20), Counting Crows, Pearl Jam, Led Zeppelin, The Shins, Stoney LaRue, the Rolling Stones, Sheryl Crow, Dolly Parton, Prince, Ludacris, **I think you get the picture**

Anyhow, one night while perusing Playlist.com (and being a total narcissist: i.e. searching for songs with the title of my same name) I happened upon an artist named Catherine MacLellan. The love I have for a solo acoustic guitar, and a folksy Soprano made "Emily's Song" an immediate favorite....

"Emily's Song"

When the rain pours down like this
on the working days,
you could just lay in bed,
but you know that you can’t stay there.

Well your whole life’s changing,
you got the house for sale,
23 years rearranging,
each breath seems a sad exhale.

Well love can be so forgiving,
gives you one more reason to live,
you just keep on breathing…

When the rain pours down like this,
and it just won’t stop,
its hard to recall asking the weather,
to send down those drops.

So let’s dance, let the water find us,
let’s gather round.
Love is coming at us from every angle,
let our joy abound.

Yes love can be so forgiving,
gives you one more reason to live.
You just keep on breathing…

So please don’t let me stop moving,
don’t let me sink on down.
I can feel my mind start losing,
I don’t have time for that right now.

So let’s dance let the water find us,
let’s gather round.
Love is coming at us from every angle
Let our joy abound,
Let our joy abound!

Sleep: for the Weak

Westin is *usually* a wonderful sleeper. His snooze routine (since moving him into his own bedroom at approx. 8 months old) has been 12 hours straight, through the night, not waking up to feed.

Well, I'll unashamedly admit it, I'm weak! I've been so sleep deprived this week, and I have the sneaking suspicion that the two razor sharp teeth cutting through his gums at the moment are to blame for the dark circles and bags under my eyes. He has woke three times a night for the past five nights.

Add that to the bad news my family received this week: my step-dad's biopsy came back as malignant squamous cell carcinoma, in a lymph node, and had to have a full body scan done. He goes in Tuesday to have the mass in his shoulder removed, and chemotherapy (possibly radiation). I've been so preoccupied and worried that my sleep hasn't been peaceful, to say the least.

Now that I'm getting the hang of this Mommy-business, and have my own daily routine, I haven't been as dog-tired/utterly exhausted. And my recent obsession for scouring the internet for fluffy baby butt coverings has had me up later during the week than I would have normally stayed up.

But, like Darius Rucker's song reminds me all too often "It Won't Be Like This for Long" and so I count my blessings, and Thank the Good Lord that I do have my son to wake me up in the middle of the night.

Crunchy, Green, Cloth Diapering (and all the jargon that goes with it!)

If you're wondering where I've been, why the lapse in postings, its not because I'm lazy. (maybe too tired to blog, but I've saved a bit of energy for this particular blogging, so you're in for a treat!)

I've been Cloth Diaper (CD) Stalking on Hyena Cart! Yes, I've lost my marbles. I've decided to start CD'ing my 9 month old son. And let me tell you: the start up to build a CD 'stash' is daunting. There ain't no Babies'R'Us trip and you're done... no ma'am. These puppies have to be hunted down (hence - "stalking"). And you have to put in the proper amount of research. One must decide between Prefolds, Pockets, Fitteds, AIO (All-in-One), AI2's (All-in-Two - variation of the AIO) and all the hybrids in between!!!

The picture includes: 4 g-Diapers (notice the tiny white lower-case 'g' on the solid colored dipes?) 2 g-Diaper liners that snap into the shell, 2 Fitted dipes with detachable inserts, and 2 BumGenius (BG) Pockets. g-Diapers are considered a cloth diaper hybrid that can be used with flushable, compostable (or tossable) inserts (that sit inside the snap-in/out liners) or you can 'stuff' them with plain tri-fold (prefolded) cloth diapers (the white ones that many a mother now-a-days use for a burp-wrag) Fitted dipes consist of a cloth outer "shell" (usually with a VERY CUTE print on it), and a snap-in/out insert (also called a 'soaker'). They are NOT waterproof, and if you're venturing out of the house, you might be so inclined to put a pair of plastic pants over the diaper, or you'll probably need to carry a couple of extra outfits... The BumGenius are pocket diapers that DO have a PUL (Polyurethane Laminate) layer that keeps the 'wetness' from going through the diaper (and onto his clothes.) They come with 2 seperate cloth inserts that you stuff inside the pocket.

I've decided that I'm a MAJOR fan of the BumGenius (BG) pocket dipes. Westin is a very heavy wetter, and the BG's last all night (Wes usually sleeps 12 hours without waking to breastfeed). The material that is up against his skin is a microfleece (I think) and it keeps his skin dry (even though the inserts underneath are COMPLETELY soaked)

Why did I feel the need, 9 months after his birth, to start such a circus? Well, I started to feel guilty about the 150ish disposable diapers a month that I was lugging to the curbside for the trash collectors to take to our local dump. To quote the g-Diapers website: "50 million diapers get tossed each day and each one takes up to 500 years to biodegrade." Who knew one sentence, 17 words, could cause a pit in my stomach the size of a grenade?? My son and his generation stand to inherit this planet. And the busy, consumer driven society that we've turned into don't think twice when we yank off a urine filled disposable diaper (also called a 'sposie in the CD'ing world -- yes, we're in our own world, but I digress) and slap on a new one, leaving the trash to rot in a landfill just a few miles down the road.

I realize I'm starting to rant, so I'll give you another statistic to justify my recently considered nutty behavior: while the initial cost of CDing can be staggering (one (1!) brand new g-Diaper costs $17, a BG - $18 and a Goodmama Fitted - up to $28) the cost in the long-run is much less in comparison to spending $80 a month on disposables (thats $1,000 a year!!!) Most of the CD's that I've purchased have been "One Size Fits All/Most", and Westin can wear them until he is Potty Trained!! Keep in mind: some kiddos don't potty train until they're 4 years old, or 5 in some cases. That's $5,000 in trash! (or a down payment on a car!) I have spent $166 so far on 15 CDs and 2 bags of disposable g-Diaper inserts. If you don't count the $30 disposable inserts, thats approx. $9 a diaper, so I have been doing some major stalking for deals! (Hyena Cart has a "Spot's Corner" shop where Mommies sell Second-hand (read: used) CD's. Most are in EUC (excellent used condition). I have, of course, washed and de-germed the 9 used diapers I have purchased, but I couldn't pass up the deals I got! I'm a bargain hunter to the core!!

And yes, one must take into consideration the costs of the 'up-keep': electricity to run the washing machine, the water, and the detergent to get them clean. (I line dry most of our CDs to cut down on some electricity costs, and to extend the life of the dipes) But here's where I get on my soap-box (pun intended) -- I'm already running our clothes washer everyday (some days I don't, and I pay for it when I have a mountain of laundry laughing at me) Whats one extra nightly load of cloth diapers??? Not much in my book.

Not to mention, CD's B R E A T H E. There is no plastic (or chemical/crystal absorbing materials) in a cloth diaper to sit against my baby boy's skin over night, making a warm, moist environment which is where many a distraught baby struggles with insufferable diaper rash!

10 points to you if you've made it this far! I'll even spend the extra 5 minutes to give you a Cloth Diaper Jargon/Language chart!:

CD's'ing = Cloth Diaper(s)(ing)

Crunchy = think Granola, think hippy, meaning Eco-conscious (or Green)
Stalking = searching online for very cute CD's, and trying to buy them before other Moms do!
Stash = the collection of CDs one Mommy has acquired
Stuff = placing cloth inserts into a cloth diaper
OS = One size fits all/Most
AIO = All in one (meaning one entire piece)
AI2 = All in two (seperate pieces)
PUL = Polyurethane Laminate Layer- aka waterproof layer
Sposie = Disposable Diaper

Lastly, who can resist a squishy baby bootie???!!!??? When I pick Wessie up and hug him, tickle him, and play with him, his little Baby Bum is soft and cloth! CD's are called squishy because the thickness of the material under an adorable printed diaper is so irresistable!

I'm happy with my decision, and proud of myself for attempting to do right by Mother Earth, and my son!

The Quest for Parenthood a.k.a "Our Journey"

I've loved babies for as far back as I can remember. I grew up with 3 older sisters, so as the 'baby' myself, I didn't have anyone younger to annoy the spit out of me (and consequently to change my mind about the wonderful little people). The children on the cul-de-sac where I lived out my formative years were all in the grades below me. So I had lots of practice with my playmates' baby brothers and sisters. I learned how to change diapers, mix a formula bottle and rock a baby to sleep with great skill. The parents of said tots would love for me to come 'play' with their children, because they could get a few things done around the house while I entertained their youngins.

My Mother has often said that I have an "old" soul, and that I am mature beyond my years. That I wasn't typical of the usual role that the youngest of siblings often plays = the spoiled, rotten, center of attention kid. Not that I was without my faults: I was an especially tender-hearted child. Very prone to break out in tears if someone so much as looked at me wrong. I was very, very attached to my Mama...

School teachers started harping about college and gave the "What are you going to do with your life?" speech earlier each year it seems. In junior high, we had "Career Day" and I wavered back and forth between a NASA Scientist, Marine Biology and Archeology. It wasn't until after my nephew, Connor, was born in January of my 8th grade year that I had even given thought to a possible career in Medicine. His birth opened up my 14 year old eyes to the "origins" of babies! From then on, my mind was made up, I was going to be a Labor and Delivery Nurse!

I was on the Drill Team in high school, tried out for the Captain spot my senior year, but made Lieutenant again for the second year in a row. Maybe that was divine intervention. I'm almost certain that if I'd made Captain, I would have most likely had pursued a major in Dance. I hadn't had any form of professional training, and may not have made it very far. Its all irrelevant, anyhow. After graduation, I signed up (and paid for by myself) County College courses that had everything to do with my future major, Nursing. I would get my pre-requisites at a cheaper rate, and then finish out my degree at a 4 year institution a little farther down the road.

My husband proposed to me on my 19th birthday (7 months into our relationship), at the end of my first semester. The agreement was that we'd both continue with schooling, and not rush a marriage. I told him that I wanted to be engaged for a year or more, to ensure that we fully got to know one another before committing ourselves to each other for an eternity. We were wed on May 14, 2005. Thirteen days after our two year dating anniversary.

I took a break from college that next semester, and we had decided to try to start a family. College and my degree was no longer something that I felt I was being led to do. My heart just wasn't in it. I was spending my time and money doing something that had become mundane, just to appease those around me, and it felt like I was betraying myself. I think I had the baby part of my life figured out -- but I know now, that I was meant to be a Mother to my own children. We kept our trying to conceive a secret from our families. We knew we'd get the "wait 'til you've finished college and have a degree and get a job" and the "you've got plenty of time to have babies" speeches, and just weren't interested in continually trying defend our decision.

I'm so glad we jumped on the baby bandwagon as soon as we did. One year and no baby into 'trying', I found out that I had Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). It causes extreme pain (due to cysts formed on the ovaries) and causes infertility. My heart was crushed. My OB/GYN prescribed fertility drugs, and we kept trying.

Fast forward to April 29, 2008 - I had an elective Laparoscopy done to try to explore the possible reasons for my still not having gotten pregnant. The doc was able to remove some scar tissue, and see first-hand that my body was in prime condition to be able to bear a child.

We were 3 years into trying to have a baby. July 15, 2008 - My first appointment with Reproductive Endocrinologist Dr. DeLeon. He took my rather hefty medical file into his hands, and was taken aback by all of the information it presented. I was a 23 year old woman, who had undergone a lot of fertility testing, to no avail. He was very interested in what I had to say, and was willing to let me suggest our next possible course of action. He prescribed, and I immediately started medicating with a drug intended for diabetics (works on insulin absorption in the body - which is affected by my PCOS) took a different type of fertility drug (I had taken 10 cycles with Clomid, a very popular, and often prescribed fertility med.) and took a "Trigger Shot" on the most optimal day for conception to occur.

Exactly one month after my initial appointment with DeLeon, I finally get my first Positive Home Pregnancy test. I was pregnant! My due date was April 25, 2009 (my Mother-in-law's birthday; Westin is her first grandchild) but Westin decided to arrive on April 29, 2009; one full year to the day after I had the Laparoscopy done.

We often call our son our "Miracle Child". We had many doctors tell us that we'd never conceive without the aid of In-Vitro Fertilization. Westin is a product of our determination and faith. I never stopped believing that I would be a Mom, that I would make my wonderful husband the amazing Father that he is today. We never gave up, and I definitely hope Westin inhereted our stubborn streaks!

Dedication

The miraculous conception of my son is the reason for anything I do. He is the epitome of everything I could ever aspire to be. He made me a mother (well, my husband had a hand in that as well, I suppose...) which is why I shall dedicate this blog to them, the two men for whom I exist. I have high hopes that this will serve as a timeline of our lives (**kicking myself now for not starting it as soon as I saw the two pink lines**) and that we will look back on the accounts to be entered, and smile at our memories that we may have forgotten in the chaotic moments that make up our wonderful, crazy, beautiful life.

I promise to invoke a few giggles, a couple of raised eye-brows, and hopefully a handful of humble smiles.